A few years after we got married, my husband, Travis, and I began trying to have a baby. We were so excited to take this step in our marriage and we were thrilled at the prospect of becoming parents. After all, parenthood was the desire of our hearts. We assumed that parenthood had to be what God planned for us since he promises to give us the desires of our hearts. The first few months of trying was slightly disappointing, but we did not begin to worry.
Statistics show that only 80% of couples trying to get pregnant are successful in the first six months.
As months passed without any positive results, we became more anxious, and my prayers to God were questions of what He was doing and asked that He would bless us with a child. We wondered if we were going to have to fight the fertility battle and wondered if we would ever have a baby.After almost a year of trying, we decided to see our doctor. The doctor did an ultrasound on me, which showed that I had a small cyst in my uterus. A couple more tests were ordered to determine whether or not we should seek fertility treatment.
A week went by. While we were waiting to hear the results of tests, I noticed my period was late. The doctor called to say that the cyst he had found could be a sign of pregnancy.
My heart beat a little bit faster with the excitement that my husband and I could actually be pregnant!
I quickly took a pregnancy test, and to our joy, the test was positive! We were both shocked and overjoyed with the reality that we were finally going to be able to be parents!Nine months later, we welcomed our son, Landon, into the world.He is such a blessing and we are both so grateful to have him in our lives!
On the Other Side of a Miracle
Knowing that conceiving again may take awhile and wanting our children to be close in age, Travis and I decided to start trying for another baby when Landon was six months old. We began the process with a very hopeful attitude and figured that getting pregnant would happen for us again after not too long since we had Landon.
We regularly shared our excitement with God in our prayer time hoping he would bless us a second time. However, months crawled by again without any positive results.After two years of trying for a second child, we turned to the doctor again.
Additional tests were ordered and results came in. The consensus was that I have something called Secondary Infertility, or Diminished Ovarian Reserve, to be specific. These big words basically mean that my eggs are rotten and have poor quality, which makes conceiving again very difficult - only about a 2% chance. The doctor also believes I have endometriosis, which occurs when the cells from the lining of the uterus grow in other areas of the body. I was prescribed six months worth of a fertility drug to try and enhance the chances of becoming pregnant, but made the decision to stop taking the drug after I experienced negative side effects.
The doctor gave Travis and I other fertility options, but we deemed them too expensive or too risky.
My prayers became broken as I became confused and I couldn’t understand why this was happening to us.
Thankfully, our story does not end there.
A New Direction
Our prayers remained constant as we continued to seek God’s will for us. Would he give us another child? Would we be the parents of an only child? That’s when we felt God directing us towards adoption.
The topic of adoption has always been something on our hearts and I felt like God has continuously put people in my life who have also adopted. I believe adoption is a beautiful opportunity as a picture of how we are adopted into God’s family. The reality is that the children in our area who need to be adopted most likely have absent parents. We realize we are signing up to become parents for a child who may have been neglected or abused and God is preparing us for the struggle ahead.
A New Sufficiency
There have been ups and downs in our process of becoming parents. The initial prospect was exciting, but at one of my lowest points, I took my frustrations out on my husband unintentionally which emotionally damaged our relationship. But as we continue to seek what God has for us, this journey has transformed us. Travis and I have needed to be there for each other, and Travis has been such a rock through the whole experience, and his faith has strengthened me in the process.
I am typically a self-sufficient person and feel confident in my own strengths and plans.
However, God has molded me into something quite the opposite and taught me that I cannot be self-sufficient without him. God has changed my heart’s attitude – I now see that my every movement and thought needs to be guided by Him in my life.Please do not pity us, but instead be excited for us as we are being refined. Our faith is growing and God is on our side! We are content that God’s will is different than the one we intended for ourselves - God’s will is our will now.
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